In short: self-confidence is overrated because it is an emotion: it comes and goes, even when your experience and talent stay the same. Instead of waiting to feel confident, work every day on competence, courage and compassion, built on a self-worth that doesn't depend on how you feel today.
When I first wrote this article, in 2020, I said confidence was indispensable to make progress. Today, after writing a whole book about it, I see it differently: confidence is overrated.
Not because it isn't nice to feel it, but because confidence is an emotion. It comes and goes. Some days you feel you can take on anything, and some days doubt turns up uninvited, even though you have the same experience and the same talent you had yesterday. If we wait to feel confident before we take a step, often we never take it.
What we can work on every day are three things:
Competence. Preparing, practising, learning. Not to feel confident, but to know you have the resources even when you don't feel it.
Courage. Taking the step while you are afraid. You don't need to be 100% sure to act: fear is not a sign that you shouldn't do it.
Compassion. How you talk to yourself when things don't go as planned. Your inner critic will show up; what matters is that it doesn't get the last word.
And underneath all three, your self-worth, which doesn't depend on how you feel today or on what other people think.
One practice I still recommend: a personal notebook. Each day, write down something you did well, however small, and something you did even though it scared you. Not to inflate your confidence, but to have the evidence at hand on the day doubt arrives. Because it will.
Feeling confident all the time isn't realistic, or necessary. Daring to move forward without it is an achievement in itself. And when you stop chasing confidence and focus on your competence, your courage and your compassion, something interesting happens: you can be flowrageous.
Want to go deeper? I explore it in my book Self-Confidence Is Overrated and every month in my newsletter.
Frequently asked questions
What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence is an emotion, so it comes and goes. Some days you feel you can take on anything; other days doubt turns up uninvited, even though you have the same experience and talent you had yesterday.
Do you need self-confidence to succeed?
No. If you wait to feel confident before taking a step, you may never take it. Feeling confident all the time isn't realistic or necessary, and daring to move forward without it is an achievement in itself.
What can I work on instead of confidence?
Three things: competence (preparing, practising, learning), courage (taking the step while afraid) and compassion (how you talk to yourself when things go wrong). Underneath them sits your self-worth, which doesn't depend on how you feel.
How can I handle self-doubt?
Keep a personal notebook. Each day write down something you did well, however small, and something you did even though it scared you. Not to inflate your confidence, but to have evidence at hand when doubt arrives.
About the author: Susana Serrano-Davey is a former CFO with over 25 years in corporate life. Today she mentors leaders and professionals, speaks about confidence and self-awareness at work, and is the author of Self-Confidence Is Overrated.
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